The anti-Pavlov Experiment

While we were learning the human digestive system, children did a short version of the famous Pavlov's experiment. They thought of their favourite food and observed how their mouth waters. The digestion process starts just at the thought of food. Our body and mind is driven by the sensory inputs.

Some years back scientists discovered yet another powerful effect. Something like an anti-Pavlov effect. This looks at how children resist reflexes and what happens to these children. In the now famous experiment, children (age 5-7) were give a chocolate. They were asked to wait till the teacher returned after 15 minutes if they wanted another chocolate. Not surprisingly, most children ate their chocolates and a few resisted the temptation (about 2/3 and 1/3, respectively). It turns out that those who resisted the temptation went on to do exceptionally well in higher studies. Those of who ate the chocolate many became school drop-outs. The study is now well established and suggests that - learning to delay gratification may be a major factor in doing well in studies.

When I talked about this experiment in the class, they all wanted to try it out- and so we did. This time I raised the stakes by saying that they may eat chocolate only after dinner and they should not talk about this to anyone till then. I admit that I had primed them by telling about the experiment - but the 'delayed-gratification' part was still valid. To not eat is ok but 'not talk about it' is a serious challenge for a 9-10 year-old.

I was expecting a scandal in school about chocolates being distributed in class by teacher. Other classes demanding their share of chocolates. To my surprise, there was no sign of it till the end of the school-day. Children had managed to keep mum. Now they are off to a short vacation. When they return I will find out if they really did wait till dinner time - before telling their parents.

PS : Back from vacation, I asked them. Most children did not eat the chocolates till after the dinner. There were a few who came and told me 'they had eaten it in the school itself - because the chocolates were melting in their pockets'. I notice that children like to be challenged - may be I need to raise the stakes higher next time.

The gossip girls

Playful fight starts amongst the boys. They are running around, chasing and challenging each other. Its all part of growing-up and sizing-up each others strength. But more often these days this play-thing ends up in bitter arguments or fist-fights. No doubt our children have become more individualistic these days. They have less tolerance for others and a low threshold. However with boys, things are quickly forgotten. In couple of hours you can see them playing some other physical game.

Not so with girls. Girls have gossip-circles from which you can be excluded if you go cross with the group. And this is so devastating to the excluded girl. It affects her for many days. It is long time before another coalition is formed. Girls use this trick to marginalise an individual very effectively. More often the girl being excluded never get back her original comfort level with the group.

Somehow not being included in the gossip-circle is much more hurtful to a girl than boys getting into fist-fights. May be girls give lot more importance to the perceived status than boys do. Boys may be paying more attention to the intrinsic worth rather than perceived status.

No means no, means no, means no, means ....

There is this growing thing in children today, both at home and in school. When I say "no", meaning "you will not do or have a thing", kids consider it as an Invitation for Negotiation.

They are really really really sorry.., oh please, please, please..., can't we do this just for 10 minutes..., why can't we..., but you allowed yesterday... This can go on for minutes, hours or even days. They want to know what they can do to get around this 'no'.

The grown-ups, rationals, teacher-types think kids will understand if we explain why. Intentions are good here, but this only furthers kids' impression that this is open for negotiation. For every explanation of yours, kids have varied explanations of why not 'no'.

May be it is possible to reach end of the argument, with one or two kids at home. I found number of parents are also suffering from this epidemic. However, there are 30 or 40 kids to tackle - in class-room. There is no scope of ending the arguments and also teach what you decided to.

Its worth studying this phenomena. It's telling us something about their strategy or their changed perception of who they and we are.